The Servant Read online

  “Well, I asked for that. I can accept that you believe what you believe and are convinced that Jesus helps you along. But I think I would need a little more proof. Unfortunately for me, you can’t prove the existence of God.”

  “You are right, John. I cannot empirically prove to you the existence of God just as you cannot empirically prove to me that God does not exist. Yet I see evidence of God everywhere I look. You see a different world when you look around. Remember what we talked about earlier, we do not see the world as it is, we see the world as we are.”

  “Maybe I need to begin looking at things a little differently.”

  “Remember the power of selective perception, John. We see and find the things we are looking for.”

  I WAS SITTING on the couch half an hour before the morning session, mesmerized by the fire and completely lost in deep thought. Suddenly, tears began rolling down my cheeks, something I had not experienced in more than thirty years.

  The sergeant walked over and sat on the couch next to me, patted my knee, and asked, “You OK, partner?”

  I just nodded. Strangely, and to my surprise, I was not embarrassed by my tears nor did I feel compelled to cover them up. I just let them flow.

  And the sergeant continued to sit right there next to me, in silence.

  “THIS IS OUR LAST TWO HOURS together as a group, and I’m curious about any lingering thoughts you may have about what we’ve discussed. Are there any Yeahbuts? or What-ifs? tugging on anybody this morning?”

  “It seems like so much work,” I said, my voice cracking a bit. “The effort required to build influence, the work of paying attention, loving, extending oneself for others, and the discipline required to learn new skills and behaviors leaves me with a nagging question, Simeon. Is it really worth all the effort?”

  “John, that is a question I have often asked myself over the years. The leader of authority is called upon to make many choices and sacrifices. A great deal of discipline is required. But, of course, that’s what we signed up to do when be volunteered to be a leader.”

  The coach was beginning to squirm in her chair and appeared to be moved to speak. “One of the things we tell our athletes is that discipline requires dedication and hard work, but the good news is that there are always rewards. For example, does anybody here exercise regularly?”

  “I try to rollerblade three or four times a week,” the nurse volunteered.

  Chris continued, “Kim, for the effort and discipline required for you to get out there and rollerblade regularly, would you say that there are multiple rewards?”

  “You bet there are!” Kim responded enthusiastically. “I feel better, my mind is clearer, I feel more connected spiritually, I don’t have to watch my diet quite as closely, it helps me control my P.M.S.—and that’s just for starters!”

  “We coaches teach our players that this principle is true with any committed discipline. Think of the multiple rewards of being potty trained, of brushing your teeth regularly, of learning to read and write, of getting educated, of playing the piano, of learning to sew, whatever you learn to do. I would assume the same principle is true with disciplining ourselves to lead from authority.”

  “You would assume right, Chris,” the teacher replied, looking pleased. “There are indeed multiple rewards, or what I like to call ‘payoffs.’ Can anyone think of any?”

  “Well, I’ll start with the obvious,” the principal replied. “When we choose to extend ourselves by serving and sacrificing for others, we will build influence. A leader who knows how to build influence is a leader whose skills will be in demand.”

  “Thank you, Theresa. What else?”

  “It gives you a mission in life,” the sergeant boldly announced.

  “What do you mean by that, Greg?” Simeon asked.

  “One of the reasons I believe the Army is a good life is that it gives us a mission, a purpose, a vision—a reason to get up in the morning. Like the coach said, there are many payoffs for disciplined effort, including the discipline required to be a military man, er, person. The mission of building authority by serving those for whom the leader is responsible could give that leader a real vision of where he—or she—is headed. And with that vision comes purpose and meaning.”

  “Beautifully put, Greg. Thank you so much for that gift,” the teacher smiled. “As you look at the job description for leading with authority, you can see there is a lot of work to be done. The work of kindness, active listening, giving appreciation, praise, recognition, setting the standard, clarifying expectations, holding people accountable to the standard—this is indeed a daily mission, as Greg said.”

  “Come to think of it,” the preacher added, “a disciplined life of leading with authority amounts to a personal mission statement. It’s been popular in recent years for organizations to write their mission statements and articulate what they stand for. But think how important it is to have a personal mission statement of what we are about and what we stand for. Someone once said that if we don’t stand for something, we will fall for anything.”

  “One of the things I learned in my corporate life,” the teacher interjected, “was that corporate mission statements are fine, and I suppose even serve a useful purpose. But we must never forget that people buy into the leader before they buy into a mission statement. Once they have bought into the leader, they will buy into whatever mission statement the leader’s got.”

  The principal commented, “I am so thankful to you, Greg, for bringing this point up about mission, purpose, and meaning. Our students are searching, sometimes desperately, for purpose and meaning, and if that need is not met, the students turn to gangs, drugs, violence, and a host of other evils to fill the void.”

  The teacher added, “I once read about a sociological study done on a hundred people over the age of ninety. They asked one simple question on the survey: ‘If you were to live your life all over again, what would you do differently?’ The three top answers were that they would risk more, they would reflect more, and they would do more that would live on after they were gone.”

  “Well, this leading with authority sure means taking some risks,” the sergeant said without hesitation. “You run into a ‘power person’ for a boss and you’re likely to be on the outside looking in.”

  “Hey, Greg, all of life is risky,” I countered. “Especially for the leader. You know the old saying, the closer you are to the top the closer you are to the door. Bum Phillips, the former head coach of the Houston Oilers, once commented, ‘There is only two kinds of coaches, them that’s fired and them that’s about to be fired!’ Face it, the leader is at risk anyway.”

  “I like the part in the survey about reflecting more,” the nurse said quietly. “At the beginning of this week, Simeon asked us to reflect more on the awesome responsibility of having human beings entrusted to our care. I think those hundred elderly folks are right, we should reflect on our responsibilities today, not in some nursing home in the twilight of our lives.”

  The preacher added, “I like the part in the survey about doing more that will live on after we’re gone. I’ve spent a great deal of time with the elderly, and this issue of having made a difference in the lives of others is a crucial part of growing old and dying peacefully. In the end, the only important question will be, What difference did our lives make? In our role as the leader, we have a unique opportunity to make a real difference in the lives of others. Or we can just follow the crowd and lead the old-fashioned way, ‘Do it or else!’ But of course, those who follow the crowd will never be followed by the crowd.”

  The principal said, “Making a difference in the lives of others is so important. One American Indian tribe has an old saying that goes, ‘When you were born you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life in such a way that when you die the world cries and you rejoice.’”

  “I like that, Theresa,” the nurse commented. “Simeon, it seems to me that another payoff would be a life of spiritual congruence. If we are tru
ly leading with authority, extending ourselves for others, we will be following the Golden Rule. Our lives will be aligned with God, or our higher power, if you prefer. I took a class on comparative religions several years back and I remember reading Huston Smith’s classic The Religions of Man. In the epilogue he discusses the relationships among the world’s great religions and concludes that in one very important respect, they are the same. That is, each of the world’s great religions contains some version of the Golden Rule.”

  “Great point, Kim!” the coach exclaimed. “I’ve always wondered how to integrate my spiritual beliefs with my work and I think I’m getting a clue here. As Vince Lombardi said, we don’t have to like our players and associates, but, as leaders, we are called upon to love them and treat them as we would want to be treated. And how do I want to be treated? Do I want my leader to be patient with me, to give me attention, to give me appreciation, to give me encouragement, to be authentic with me, to treat me with respect, to meet my needs when they arise, to forgive me when I screw up, to be honest with me, to give me feedback, to hold me accountable, and ultimately to be committed? You bet I want a leader like that. So the Golden Rule says how I must behave toward those I lead. Just as I would want to be treated.”

  “If indeed we have a Father in heaven, and of course I am convinced we do,” Simeon said gently, “doesn’t it make sense that the rule of His house would be to love one another? Again, not love in the sense of how we feel about one another, but the manner in which we behave toward one another. Let me make an analogy between my being a father of five children and God’s situation with His children. As a father, and as much as I would like it to be different, I know my children will not always get along with each other. I know there will be conflict. I know they may not even like one another. But what I do expect is for them to treat one another with respect. To treat one another as the important people each of them are. To treat one another as they would want to be treated, that was the rule in my home. Don’t you suppose God looks at His children in a similar way?”

  Even the sergeant didn’t object to this sermon as we took our morning break.

  “WE’RE IN OUR FINAL HOUR together,” the teacher began, “and we have discussed multiple rewards for the discipline of leading with authority. But we have left out a very valuable payoff that must be mentioned. And that is the payoff of joy.”

  “Joy, Simeon?” the sergeant asked—respectfully, for him. “What does being happy have to do with leadership?”

  “By joy, Greg, I am not referring to happiness, because happiness is based upon happenings. If good things happen then I’m happy. If bad things happen then I’m unhappy. Joy is a much deeper phenomenon that is not based on outward circumstances. Most of the great leaders of authority have spoken of this joy—the Buddha, Jesus Christ, Gandhi, Martin Luther King, even Mother Teresa. Joy is about inner satisfaction and the conviction of knowing that you are truly aligned with the deep and unchanging principles of life. Serving others breaks you free from the shackles of self and self-absorption that choke out the joy of living.”

  I was moved to speak. “My wife tells me that she sees plenty of self-absorbed clients who have never grown up emotionally. She has explained it to me this way. In one sense, newborns and infants are the ultimate selfish creatures: virtual ‘needs-and-wants machines.’ To an infant, personal needs and wants are primary, demanded, screamed for—indeed the infant’s very survival is at stake. By the ‘terrible twos,’ most children practically become tyrants, subordinating the world to their wishes and commands. Unfortunately, many people never grow out of the ‘Me first!’ stage and go through life as emotional two-year-olds dressed in adult clothing, wanting the world to meet their wants and needs. People who fail to grow up become more and more selfish and self-absorbed. They even build emotional walls around their self-centered lives. My wife tells me that people are terribly lonely and unhappy behind these walls.”

  The preacher added, “I often tell young people that one of the benefits of the institution of marriage is the way it provides an opportunity for the couple to grow out of their self-centeredness by becoming attentive to the needs of others, namely their spouses. Having children is yet another opportunity to grow and overcome our selfishness as we further extend ourselves for our children. One of the battles of the single life, or even in growing old, is in not becoming overly self-centered. Self-centered people are the loneliest and most joyless people I know.”

  The nurse spoke again. “It seems as though our ego, pride, and selfishness so often get in the way. In Smith’s Religions of Man that I mentioned earlier, he states that all of the world’s great religions conclude that man’s greatest problem since the beginning of time is his self-centered nature, his pride, and his selfishness. Some religions refer to this as sin. Smith concludes that the great religions of the world all teach how to overcome our selfish nature.”

  The preacher suggested, “My faith teaches that man is born with this curse called original sin. Perhaps our selfish nature is what original sin is all about. Yesterday, we were asking the question, What is human nature? As I thought about that question last night, I realized that my most basic nature is to look out for number one. Extending myself for others is certainly not natural! As Kim said, the discipline of extending ourselves for others is teaching ourselves to do what is not natural.”

  The principal added, “C. S. Lewis, one of my favorite authors, once said that if you don’t believe you are self-centered, then you are probably very self-centered. To dramatize his point he challenges us to look at a set of family snapshots and then ask ourselves, ‘Do we or do we not judge the quality of the picture by how we look?’”

  “Thank you, that’s a perfect setup for me,” the teacher smiled, nodding. “Loving others, extending ourselves, leading with authority forces us to break down our selfish walls and reach out to other people. When we deny our own needs and wants and extend ourselves for others, we grow. We become less self-absorbed and more ‘other’ conscious. Joy is a by-product of this extension.”

  The principal quoted again. “Dr. Karl Menninger, the famous psychiatrist, was once asked what he would recommend if someone were about to have a nervous breakdown. He said he would tell them to leave their house, cross the railroad tracks to find someone in need, and help them.”

  “I think this is pretty obvious,” the sergeant asserted. “When we do somebody a good turn we naturally feel good. Even when I write a check to my favorite charity at the end of the year, I suppose one of the big motivators for me is that it makes me feel good to do it.”

  “Thank you for your honesty, Greg,” the teacher interjected. “I have a quote for you from my one of my favorite people, Dr. Albert Schweitzer. He said, ‘I don’t know what your destiny will be, but one thing I do know. The only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve.’ Perhaps service and sacrifice are the dues we pay for the privilege of living.”

  The preacher said, “In the book of John, Jesus told His disciples that His incredible joy could be their joy if they obeyed His commandment. He ended by saying, ‘This is my commandment, that you love one another, as I have loved you.’ Jesus knew there would be joy in loving—the verb—extending ourselves for others.”

  “Please, let’s get back to the point before preacherman starts passing the collection plate!” the sergeant teased, this time with a smile.

  The teacher obliged. “The point, Greg, is that there is great joy in leading with authority, which is serving others by meeting their legitimate needs. And it is this joy that will sustain us on our journey through this spiritual boot camp we call planet Earth. I am convinced that our purpose here is not necessarily to be happy or even personally fulfilled. Our purpose here as human beings is to grow toward psychological and spiritual maturity. This is what pleases God. Loving, serving, and extending ourselves for others forces us out of our self-centeredness. Loving others pushes us forward out of our
terrible twos. Loving others forces us to grow up.”

  “And it starts with a choice,” the sergeant recalled. “Intentions minus actions equals squat. We’ve got to act on what we’ve learned because if nothing changes, nothing changes.”

  “I may have one better than that, Greg,” the principal kidded. “The definition of insanity is continuing to do what you’ve always done and hoping for different results!”

  The group all laughed together.

  “Our time together has come to an end,” the teacher said, suddenly growing serious. “I have learned a great deal this week and am thankful for the unique gifts and insights each of you brought to our little group.”

  “Me included?” the sergeant asked in an unbelieving tone.

  “Especially you, Greg,” Simeon answered sincerely. “In closing, my prayer for each of you is that your journey through life will be adjusted by even a few degrees as the result of having spent this time together. Now a few degrees may not make much of a difference on a short journey, but for the long journey of life it may well put you in a completely different place. Good luck and God bless each of you on your journey ahead.”

  The Epilogue

  A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

  —CHINESE PROVERB

  THE SIX RETREAT PARTICIPANTS shared a final lunch together before saying good-bye. Tears flowed freely. Even the preacher and the sergeant were hugging each other and laughing out loud.

  The sergeant suggested we all meet for a reunion in exactly six months, which we enthusiastically promised to attend. Greg also volunteered to serve as the group’s secretary and pledged to keep everyone informed of the meeting date and location. The guy I thought was having the biggest problem with the retreat was the one who didn’t want it to end.