The Servant Read online

  “Sounds like my kind of place,” the sergeant called over to me.

  “It was a special place, Greg,” I shot back, realizing he was no longer irritating me. “Anyway, one of my dad’s good friends, a fellow supervisor, was unexpectedly transferred to Flat Rock, Michigan, to work in a plant that was part of a joint venture between Mazda and Ford. During his first week on the job as supervisor in that plant, my dad’s friend caught an employee doing something wrong and ripped him good and hard in front of everyone on the line. He even managed to get in several ‘F’ words—your basic Dearborn-style successful disciplinary session! Unfortunately for him, his Japanese manager witnessed the incident and immediately called him into his office. Now remember, the Japanese are big about not ‘losing face’ in front of others. The manager told my dad’s friend very politely and respectfully that he was being issued his one and only warning for this type of behavior. He told him that if he ever witnessed or heard about him publicly behaving that way again, he would be immediately terminated. That very supervisor continued to work in that plant for another decade before retiring. He got the message. I guess you could say, Simeon, that Mazda legislated his behavior.”

  “Wonderful example, John,” the teacher told me. “Everyone should keep in mind, however, that Mazda did not change the supervisor’s behavior. He changed it himself, because he got the message. We cannot change anyone. Remember the wise saying Alcoholics Anonymous keeps repeating: ‘The only person you can change is yourself.’”

  The nurse added, “So many people I know act as if they can really change other people. They are always trying to fix people, convert them to their religion, get their heads straight, whatever. Tolstoy said everyone wants to change the world but nobody wants to change themselves.”

  “Isn’t that the truth, Kim?” the coach agreed. “If everyone would just sweep in front of their own door, soon the entire street would be clean.”

  “But, Simeon, as leaders we can motivate people to change, can’t we?” the sergeant asked.

  “My definition of motivation is any communication that influences choice. As leaders, we can provide the necessary friction but people must make their own choice to change. Remember the principle of the garden. We do not make the growth occur. The best we can do is provide the right environment and provide the necessary friction so people can choose to change and to grow.”

  The principal interjected, “Some famous person, whose name escapes me now, once said that there are only two reasons to get married. One is for procreation and the other is for the friction it provides.”

  “That’s a good one,” the preacher chuckled. “I know of another place where they legislate behavior. Have any of you ever stayed at a Ritz Carlton Hotel?”

  “Only a rich preacher like you could afford to stay at a Ritz,” the sergeant sneered.

  Ignoring the comment my roommate continued, “Once a year I splurge a little and take my wife to a Ritz, which is not too far from our home, for the bed and breakfast special. As soon as you walk into the front door of a Ritz, you know you’re in a special place. I mean people are practically falling over themselves to meet your needs and there is such an atmosphere of extraordinary respect that it is palpable. Anyway, one evening at the Ritz before dinner, I was sitting in the cocktail lounge sipping a drink—”

  “A Baptist preacher sipping a drink at a bar?” the sergeant challenged.

  “A virgin daiquiri for my wife and Diet Coke with lime for me, Greg. Anyway, I was watching the two bartenders conduct their business and again witnessed the respect they extended toward the customers and toward their fellow employees. I was intrigued, as usual, so I asked one of the bartenders, ‘What is it about you guys?’ He answered politely, ‘Sir?’ ‘You know,’ I said, ‘The way you treat the customers and each another with such respect. How do they get you to do that?’ He replied simply, ‘Oh, we have a motto here at the Ritz that goes like this: We are ladies and gentlemen serving ladies and gentlemen.’ I told him that I thought it was a very catchy phrase but that I didn’t understand his point. He looked me dead in the eye and said, ‘If we don’t behave this way, we don’t get to work here! Is there anything about that you don’t understand?’ I laughed and told him I got his point.”

  The coach added, “Most of you have heard of Lou Holtz, the famous former Notre Dame football coach. Holtz is renowned for his ability to generate great enthusiasm on the teams he coaches. And not just enthusiasm with the players alone. His entire staff—coaches, secretaries, assistants, even the water boys—are filled with this enthusiasm wherever he has coached in his amazing career. Anyway, the story goes that he was once asked by a reporter, ‘How are you able to get everyone to be so enthusiastic on your team?’ Lou Holtz replied, ‘It’s really quite simple. I eliminate the ones who aren’t.’”

  CHAPTER SIX

  The Choice

  What we think or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence. The only thing of consequence is what we do.

  —JOHN RUSKIN

  THE TEACHER NODDED “good morning” as he arrived at the chapel Friday morning and seated himself next to me. We sat in silence for several minutes before he asked me his usual question.

  “I’m learning so much, Simeon, I don’t know where to begin. The idea of legislating behavior with my supervisory team, for example. Now that’s a concept I’ve really got to think through.”

  “When I was in business, John, I never allowed my personnel people to have extensive employee manuals filled with policies and procedures attempting to legislate the behavior of the masses. I was always much more concerned with the behavior of the leadership team and legislating their behavior. If the leadership team is on the right page, the rest will follow naturally.”

  “That’s a good point, Simeon.”

  “During my career, I would often go into troubled companies and people would be pointing to Chucky driving the fork lift or some gal in shipping and receiving saying that they were the real problem. Nine-and-a-half times out of ten, when I took over a troubled company, the problem was right at the top.”

  “Funny you should say that, Simeon, because my wife—”

  “The Shrink?” laughed Simeon.

  “You cut me off,” I teased. “That was rather disrespectful of you, sir.”

  “Please forgive me, John, I couldn’t resist.”

  “I forgive you, Simeon. Anyway, my wife often works with dysfunctional families, and the same dynamic you’ve experienced seems to occur in her practice. Mom and Dad will bring in children saying, ‘Fix these kids! They’re acting up all over the place!’ Of course, through experience, she knows that the acting up is only a symptom of the real problem. She is now much more concerned with what is going on with Mom and Dad.”

  “A wise old general once commented that there are no weak platoons, only weak leaders. Do you suppose that union drive at your plant was a symptom, John?”

  “Yeah, maybe,” I replied, feeling guilty and wanting to change the subject. “Tell me about praxis, Simeon. You mentioned that yesterday morning. You said positive feelings come from positive behaviors. What does that mean exactly?”

  “Oh, yes, praxis. Thank you for reminding me. Traditional thinking teaches us that our thoughts and feelings drive our behavior, and, of course, we know this to be true. Our thoughts, feelings, beliefs—our paradigms—do in fact greatly influence our behavior. Praxis teaches that the opposite is also true.”

  “I’m not sure I follow, Simeon.”

  “Our behavior also influences our thoughts and our feelings. When we as human beings make a commitment to focus attention, time, effort, and other resources on someone or something, over time, we begin to develop feelings for the object of our attention. Psychologists say we cathect the object of our attention or, in other words, we become ‘hooked on’ or ‘attached’ to it. Praxis explains why adopted children are loved as much as biological children, why we get so hooked on pets, cigarettes, gardening, booze, cars, g
olf, collecting stamps, and all the rest of the things that fill our lives. What we pay attention to, spend time with, or serve, we become attached to.”

  “Hmmm. Maybe that explains why I actually like my next-door neighbor now. At first glance, I thought he was about the creepiest guy I’d ever seen. But over time, as we were forced to work together on a few things around the yard and in the neighborhood, he began to grow on me.”

  “Praxis also works in the opposite direction, John. During times of war, for example, countries often dehumanize the enemy. We call them ‘Krauts,’ ‘Gooks,’ ‘Charlie’ because, over time, dehumanizing them makes it easier for us to justify killing them. Praxis also teaches if we dislike someone and treat them badly, we will come to hate them even more.”

  “So let me see if I understand this, Simeon. Praxis says if I make a commitment to love and extend myself for those I serve, and align my actions and behaviors to that commitment, positive regard for those people will follow over time?”

  “That’s basically it, John, ‘fake it to make it,’ as some would say. A fellow named Jerome Brunner, a noted Harvard psychologist, says we are more likely to act ourselves into a feeling than feel ourselves into action.”

  “Yeah,” I responded. “Too many people, including me, think or say they will behave differently when they feel more like doing so. Unfortunately, many times those feelings never come.”

  “Tony Campolo, the author Lee mentioned on Wednesday, often speaks about the power of praxis in healing marriages. He claims the loss of romantic feelings that couples often experience before a divorce can actually be corrected if the couple is willing to do the work. To accomplish this, each person makes a thirty-day commitment. They commit to treating their spouse the way they treated them when the great romantic feelings were present, when they were courting. His job is to tell her how beautiful she is, buy her flowers, take her out to dinner, and so on—in short, to do all the things that he did when he was ‘in love’ with her. She has the same assignment, to treat her husband like a new boyfriend. Tell him how handsome he is, cook his favorite meal, that sort of thing. Campolo claims that for those couples committed enough to go through that difficult assignment, the feelings always return. That’s praxis. The feelings will follow the behavior.”

  “But, Simeon, it’s just so hard to get started. Pushing yourself to give appreciation and respect to someone you don’t like or to behave in a loving way to an unlovable person is such a stretch.”

  “Indeed it is. Stretching and growing emotional muscles is much like stretching and growing physical muscles. It is difficult at first. With commitment and proper exercise—practice—however, emotional muscles, like physical muscles, stretch and grow bigger and stronger than you can now imagine.”

  Simeon just refused to leave me an excuse to hide behind.

  I SAT IN THE INSTRUCTION ROOM peering out the window at the beautiful blue lake beyond. The usual fire was roaring in the massive fireplace, snapping and crackling as it burned into a fresh piece of birch wood. It was Friday morning. Where had the week gone?

  The teacher patiently waited until the ninth chime before beginning.

  “I have known many parents, spouses, coaches, teachers, and other leaders who do not want to assume appropriate responsibility for their role as leader and the choices and behaviors required to be an effective leader. For instance, they will say, ‘I will start treating my kids with respect when they start behaving better,’ or ‘I will extend myself for my wife when she straightens up her act,’ or ‘I will listen to my husband when he has something interesting to say,’ or ‘I will extend myself for my employees when I get a raise,’ or ‘I will treat my people with dignity when my boss starts treating me with dignity.’ You’ve all heard the statement, ‘I will change when…’ and you can fill in the blank. Perhaps the statement should be turned into a question: ‘I will change…when?’

  “I would like to spend our final full day together discussing responsibility and the choices we make. As we discussed on Wednesday, I believe leadership begins with a choice. Some of those choices include facing up to the awesome responsibilities that we volunteered for and aligning our actions with our good intentions. But many people do not want to assume appropriate responsibility in their lives and prefer to lay that responsibility elsewhere.”

  “Funny you should say that, Simeon,” the nurse offered. “Early in my career, I worked a couple of years on a psych floor in a large city hospital. One of the things I quickly discovered was people with psychological problems are oftentimes suffering from ‘responsibility’ disorders. Neurotics assume too much responsibility and believe everything that happens is their fault. ‘My husband is a drunk because I’m a bad wife,’ or ‘My kid smokes pot because I failed as a father,’ or ‘The weather’s bad because I didn’t say my prayers this morning.’ Character-disordered people, on the other hand, generally assume too little responsibility for their actions. They assume that everything that goes wrong is someone else’s fault. ‘My kid’s in trouble at school because of the lousy teachers,’ or ‘I can’t get ahead in my company because my boss doesn’t like me,’ or ‘The reason I’m a drunk is because my father was a drunk.’ And then there are those who are in between—character-neurotics—who sometimes assume too much, sometimes too little, responsibility.”

  “Do you believe we live in a more neurotic or character-disordered society today, Kim?” the teacher inquired.

  Before she could answer, the sergeant jumped in. “Are you kidding?” he half shouted. “We have become so character-disordered in America that the entire world is laughing at us! Nobody wants to assume responsibility for anything anymore. Remember the mayor of Washing ton, D.C., the one who got caught on tape smoking crack and said it was a racist plot? Or how about the woman who drowned her two boys in the back seat of her car and claimed she did it because she was sexually abused as a child? Or the boys out on the west coast who blew their parents away with shotguns and also claimed the ‘abuse excuse’? Or the smokers who sue the tobacco companies blaming them for their years of chain smoking? Or the ‘clairvoyant’ who sued a hospital because their CAT scan ruined her psychic abilities and future earning potential? Or how about the disgruntled city worker in San Francisco who shot the mayor and city supervisor and claimed the ‘Twinkie defense’? He said he was temporarily insane because he was high on junk food sugar! What’s happened to personal responsibility in our society?”

  “I believe one of the problems,” the teacher continued, “was that we went a little overboard in this country on Sigmund Freud. Although Freud made huge contributions to the field of psychiatry, for which we should be grateful, he planted the seeds of determinism, which has given our society every excuse for poor behavior, allowing us to avoid assuming appropriate responsibility for our actions.”

  “Could you explain ‘determinism,’ Simeon?” I asked.

  “Taken to its extreme, determinism means that for every effect or event, physical or mental, there is a cause. The cause of following a cake recipe will predictably produce the effect of the cake. At the glass plant where you work, John, the cause of heating up sand, ash, and the other ingredients you use will predictably produce the effect of molten glass. Strict determinism says if we know the causes, physical or mental, we can predict the effect.”

  “But,” the preacher objected, “If we assume cause and effect is true, we arrive at a paradox for the creation of the world, don’t we? I mean if we take the universe back to the first split second in time, the fraction of a second preceding the Big Bang, what would explain the first cause? What created that first atom of helium, hydrogen, or whatever? The paradox is that somewhere along the line, something must have come from nothing. And we religious types believe that first cause was God.”

  The sergeant mumbled, “And you just have to get a sermon in every day don’t you, preacher?”

  “You’re right, Lee, science has never convincingly solved that paradox of first cause,” the
teacher continued. “But determinism, for every event there is a cause, has generally been believed to be true for all physical events, although even this is being challenged by some of the new science. Freud, however, decided to take it a step further; he applied the same principle to human will. He claimed that human beings essentially do not make choices and that free will is an illusion. He believed that our choices and actions are determined by unconscious forces of which we can never be fully aware. Freud asserted that if we know enough about a person’s heredity and environment, we can accurately predict his behavior, right down to the individual choices he will make. His theories dealt the concept of free will a devastating blow.”

  The principal added, “Genetic determinism allows me to blame Grandpa for my lousy genes, which explains why I’m a drunk; psychic determinism allows me to blame my unhappy childhood on my parents—which, of course, compels me to make such poor life choices; environmental determinism allows me to blame my boss for making the quality of my working life sooo miserable, which explains why I behave badly at work! Now I have tons of new excuses for my behavior. Isn’t it a beautiful thing?”

  “The old nature versus nurture argument,” the nurse remarked. “I think we’re learning that even though genes and environment have an effect on us, we are still free to make our own choices. Look at identical twins. Same egg, so therefore the same genes—nature. They both grew up in the same home, at the same time—nurture. Yet they are two very different people.”

  “Or how about those Siamese twins in the recent issue of Life magazine. Did any of you see that?” the sergeant asked.

  “I believe they refer to them as conjoined twins now, Greg,” the preacher corrected him.